Lately I have been writing about how my wife and I are expecting our second child in April and how our little girl is excited about having a new brother or sister (we’re not finding out the sex of the baby), but while I am confident and all smiles on the outside, inside I am freaking the F*@k out.   

I know what you’re thinking, “How can you be scared, when having a baby is the greatest thing ever?” It’s not that I am scared of having another baby, it’s just that I feel that I am already spread too thin among my normal day to day life.  Working as a teacher, my job doesn’t end at 3, it continues when I get home.  I still have to grade papers, prepare for the next day and create lesson plans for the following week. 

I guess the big fear here is will I still continue being a, I don’t want to say great, but a decent father to my new child and not make my first child feel left out.  How can I divide my time between my family and my job and still find some time to enjoy myself every now and then? Will my little girl get along with her new sibling and how will the dog react?

Now while this may sound like I’m whining like Luke wanting to go to Toshi’s Station to pick up some power converters, I feel that I may not be the only one that goes through this stage, if you want to call it a stage.  I mean, how many of us are really ready when we have a child? How many of us feel that we can give our children everything they need and everything is going to be a breeze?  How many of us wish that the pregnancy goes well and that there are no complications?  Unfortunately, this may not be the case all the time.

While I was already stressing out about trying to do my work, keeping up with the house chores, and spending time with my little girl, my wife was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.  Gestational Diabetes only occurs in pregnancy and usually disappears after the baby is born.  One thing that my wife has to do is keep track of her carbohydrate intake and check her sugar levels after every meal.  On her last visit, my wife was put on insulin, so now she has to give herself a shot before every meal.  She also has to visit the doctor every week now to closely monitor the baby through weekly non stress tests.    In addition she also has to see an endocrinologist every two weeks to monitor her diabetes.

With my job it’s hard to take the time off to go with her to all these appointments, but although my wife is a nurse, she knows how to answer the questions that I have regarding this situation.  Even though she puts my mind at ease with her answers, I still wish I knew more about what I can do to make things easier on her.

This all just adds a little more to the plates that I am juggling, because now I am worried about the new baby’s health after he/she is born.  Will my new child develop diabetes when they get older? How is this going to affect their lives?  Am I just worrying too much and should I just try to relax a little?

As you can see, I have a million and one questions going through my head at any given moment, but I am trying to be sane.  One of the reasons is my little girl. I don’t want her to see that her daddy is a mess and have her start regretting her new sibling being born. Another reason that I am trying to keep it together is because I don’t want this affecting the way I teach at school.  Kids can pick up when something is bothering you and I want my students to be focused and not worry about what I am going through.

Who knows, maybe I’m just making a big thing out of nothing, but there is always that little doubt in my head.  So far, everything has been going great with the doctor visits and we have nothing to worry about, but I guess I won’t be 100% until after the baby is born.  Also, I think going to the gym a few times a week has helped me to take my mind off of things for awhile.

So in the meantime, if you see me and I seem a little out of it and ignore you, don’t take it personal, I’m just trying to answer one of the million questions that I have floating around in my head.

As always,  thanks for reading.

Victor