So here it is again. That feeling of disappointment. That feeling that I let others down. I get this feeling every now and then, but today it just hit me at the worst time.

Today I was running late for work due to shoveling the March snow in the morning. Yeah. You read that right. Snow in March. Well, anyways I woke up early to shovel the snow and then I had to drive my children to my in-laws house and drop off the car and head to work.

The snow ensured that everyone would drive like they have never seen the powdery stuff before. The normal five minute ride almost tripled and I’m including the return trip home.

When I got to work I had a message from the recruiting department if I had a minute to talk.

Here’s a thing about me; even though I post a lot of things for the Fandads social media pages, I try to keep some personal life moments to myself. There have been plenty of times when I would mention something to someone or post something online and it falls apart.

A few examples. I used to work for a marketing and promotion company once and sometimes I would be in charge of setting the itineraries up for artists that were coming to town. I would call the stores, set up times and pass it to my manager for approval. I would usually get “since you made the itinerary, you can ride along with artist “so-and-so” for the in-stores.” I would let me friends know and then, either the artist cancels or something else comes up that I can’t go.

There have been many other instances like that, but I don’t want to bore you with my bad luck stories.

Ok, so what’s the point in all of this and why was someone from recruiting messaging me? Well, since the week I returned from Dad 2.0 I had a few interviews with another department at the company I’m currently working for. This new position would be permanent and will help me in achieving my goal of providing for my family.

Well after a few weeks and constant prodding by co-workers I found out today that I did not get the position. I made a point of not saying anything to anyone in fear that I might jinx it. My wife obviously knew and just told me to let her know when I hear something. She knows I don’t like talking about things like this until it’s official.

Being told I wasn’t getting the position stung. I had, what I thought were two pretty stellar interviews. We were laughing and intrigued  in what we were saying to each other, so I thought my shot was good. I knew not to get cocky though and just decided to wait and see what will happen.

So after all of this build up and receiving the news today I feel like I let my family down. I feel like this could have been the beginning of something bigger, but now it won’t be.

Am I sad about this? Yes. Yes I am, but I know when one door closes another one will open. I’ll let myself feel disappointed about this for awhile, but as soon as my train reaches my stop and I step out the door to walk home, those feeling of sadness will stay on the train and keep going. I’m not going to stop and will keep moving forward.